What’s in store for our girls on this international girls day

The question is of course rhetorical. I do not want to hear reservation or empowerment for an answer. Because by now all these utopian ideas have proved to be a farce. All that we can offer our girls is martial art class, psychological awareness, a pepper spray and a lot of prejudice. Even after numerous social media awareness programs, talk shows and debates, we are still stuck in the body shaming, slut shaming and male chauvinistic era. Do you think all these happen only in social media ? Do you intend to say that it is the men who slut shame women? Then I have to ask you which universe do you live in. Open your eyes and look around. You can see numerous women, ladies,aunties, oldies and teenagers who pass on the sleaziest comments against women.

Recently I attended a family friend’s function. When I entered their home, the first reaction of the host to my husband was “Why don’t you make her wear some clothes”. I looked at myself. I was wearing a kurta and leggings . Apparently I was wondering if I forgot to wear my leggings . No, it was there. A lose leggings  that didn’t even go with the definition of the “leggings” we see these days. The kurta was a high neck one. So cleavage is not visible. So what did I miss? Aah yes, sleeve. I was wearing a sleeveless kurta and was shamelessly flaunting my arms. Flaunting your back, bust, abs, belly button and even pubic hair is allowed as long as you are wearing a saree but your legs and arms should never be exposed to the public. What are you saying!! It is against our cultural heritage.

I still don’t understand why she asked my husband why he didn’t make me wear some clothes instead of asking me why I didn’t wear something. Is he the one who put on clothes for me? Or is it because they think that I make my husband do my jobs? No, the answer is clear. The insinuation was that why my husband “allowed” me to wear a sleeveless dress. I must take permission from him before wearing this and he should not “give” permission to wear sleeveless.

This is one of the harmless instances that I mentioned but what with the more serious, shameless, brutal and culture less thoughts revolving in the likes of the lady whom I mentioned before. God forbid if someone rapes a girl or woman who was wearing sleeveless or short dress they would say that she deserved it or even she asked for it. So why do we get surprised when men give rape threat to a woman. If his mother thinks that a woman should be raped for wearing modern dress or western dress for that matter, what would you expect her son to do with a woman. Respect? Nay!!

We should teach our girls to stand up for themselves, we should teach our boys to respect women, but before that we adults should behave. A man need not respect a woman with such sleazy mentality. A man should only respect a woman who gives due respect to him without being submissive and dominating. Before teaching a boy or man to respect a woman, let women start respecting each other irrespective of their dress, financial status, cast, creed or nationality.

Another comment that pinched my self-worth was ” it would have been understandable if she was from a rich family ” . So tell me, what is the connection between money and a woman’s individuality or self respect. If you are a billionaire, you can wear anything,do anything and say anything? What do we teach our girls if we ourselves do know how to behave?

“Why does he do all this gossiping?  Is he a woman?” I would say asking this question is a crime. The same insinuate that women keep on gossiping and being woman is a degradation for a man.

This international girls day, let’s not give them anything. Let’s work towards developing ourselves and our mentality. Let’s stand for each other and then teach our girls to stand for themselves.

 

 

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My blog is nominated in Indiblogger Awards

Hi All

Thanks for the unrelenting support being provided till date. I would like to share the latest happy news with my dear readers and followers. My blog, our blog Scrutiny is nominated in IndiBlogger awards for Parenting and Current Affairs category. Kindly Support me with your testimonials in the link shared below

Testimonials for Rakhi Jayashankar

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Men or women rights are the same

Off late, I haven’t been writing anything on atrocities towards women. However we write, these practices will not end because the psychopaths who find pleasure in a fellow being’s extreme pain cannot be changed with these posts or protests. I would say that the stigma of the society towards mental disorders is the main reason behind these acts because a normal person can never assort to such level of felony. Today my post is on the flip side of this issue.

INJUSTICE TOWARDS MEN

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Photo courtesy :-https://j4mb.org.uk

Past one year I have witnessed that several of my friends and relatives are subjected to unfair treatment by their wives. Some got divorced, some even annulled marriage and a minority still put up with this.
What would be the thought process in a girl’s mind if she asks for divorce on the fourth day of her wedding just because her cousins think that she could have gotten a better looking guy? Why did she marry in the first place? The guy was intelligent enough to annul the wedding at the earliest.
In another instance, a girl was seen marrying a guy as a stop gap arrangement before her lover got settled? Seriously? ?What about the guy who was fooled by this whole drama. If he reacts, he will have to face litigation citing 498/A. If he doesn’t react he will be tagged as a gay. Yes, it is the new trend to tag men who respect women as gay. Why? Gays are not human beings? Don’t they have integrity?

Well, that’s not the topic concern in this post. So, citing a third example, a guy who is an NRI got married and left for middle east leaving his wife in India. What follows next is a story of treachery, extra marital affair and debauchery. While heading for divorce, he was asked to give compensation to the woman who cheated him and robbed him in broad daylight. Succumbing to the blackmail that he would be charged of domestic violence if not concurring to the alimony, which in turn will affect his job and visa, he paid whatever was asked.

The most funniest and the most painful example is that of a guy who spent all his life’s savings to satisfy his wife whom he dated for years. When she left him she took whatever she could get from him and vanished into thin air. When he tried to contact her, what he could get was a plain denial and a demand that her advocate would be doing all verbal as well as legal correspondence.

Why does laws which empower women turn blind eye towards men? Why isn’t there a men’s commission? Why do rapists go scotfree whereas men who were cheated and subjected to injustice have to suffer? Why isn’t there a system to show some degree of discretion?

All this doesn’t point to the disintegration of our cultural heritage. It is a mind set that has developed from selfishness, arrogance and apathy, which is collectively named by the new generation as pragmatism.

Where does the deterioration begin? Does empowering women mean destroying a man’s life or does it mean that women should be apathetic towards men. There are chauvinistic rogues among men but does that give us reason enough to generalize everyone. Once I asked one my friends to obey her husband in a particular context. She took offence of my statement and said

“Obey? What do you mean by obey? I’m not a slave like you. We move as a team”. I was awestruck. Does obeying your spouse or partner make you their slaves? This applies to both genders. Obedience doesn’t mean imposing your rules on each other. It is just paying heed to each other’s suggestions.

One should not tolerate an abusive spouse but that doesn’t mean that you should set out on a non cooperation spree with everyone . Stop belittling your friends if they prioritize their spouse. Stop bullying your friends if they listen to their spouse because a relationship proceeds only through adjustments, sacrifices and understanding. There is nothing wrong in ‘obeying’ your spouse, provided, they reciprocate it and the demands are logical.

To all girls and boys out there, if you are not ready for a marriage, please don’t get married. If you are in a relation, don’t get married to another person just to come back to your old paramour. Please don’t play with another person’s life because you don’t have the right to do so. If someone is a simpleton, you don’t get the license to play with their feelings and life.

 

Incompetent Cervix and encirclage

After six months of comparatively hassle-free and easy pregnancy, I faced the first challenge. I used to wonder why I was so lucky to be free of nausea or any pregnancy related fatigue. But I had least idea about what was in store for me. We, in Kerala have a custom called ‘Kootikondupoval’ which is equal to the ‘ Godh bharai’ or ‘Valakappu’. The preggy’s parents come to her marital home with 7 varieties of eatables on the 7th month of pregnancy and take their daughter to her parental home. I was super excited to go to my own home and relish the pampering and love of my parents. But the happiness didn’t last long.

I had been having pain in my pubic bone for the days preceding the function. But after two days, the pain was unbearable and I was taken to the hospital. On checking doctor informed me that ‘os’ are open. Now this time I didn’t have the time to go back home and Google about the OS because doctor said that I needed to be admitted and a stitch needed to be applied to my uterus in order to prevent a pre term delivery or abortion. Doctor said that I had an incompetent cervix.

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Image courtesy :- http://www.medindia.net

“Had you not been diagnosed at the right time, you would have lost your first born. Your cervix had a two finger opening”, said the doctor later.

Back in the hospital room, I’m engaged with the universal tutor, Google. Google told me that incompetent cervix means that my Cervical tissues are weak and that cervix begins to dilate and efface before term, and hence the pain. OS is the opening of the cervix to the uterus.Applying the stitches in the cervix to hold it closed is called encerclage.

Normally encerclage is done earlier by about 12-14 weeks of pregnancy but in my case it was 28 weeks. This is a rarity but not the first of its kind. Applying a cerclage during the late pregnancy is called emergent cerclage. The patient will be given general or epidural anaesthesia. I was given general anaesthesia for the three pregnancies. Yes, you heard it right. For the three pregnancies I had to undergo encerclage. But it is not necessary that for everyone it is so. There are mothers who underwent encerclage for the first pregnancy but had a trouble free pregnancy further. This depends on the strength of your uterus.

There are three types of encirclages. We will find the difference and furthermore in the next post .

Read the previous posts on this topic

The test time- TVS and Obstetric scan

Initial days

Understanding the purple lines

Cherishing that tiny heart beat

Proud to live in the land of brilliance

Land of rapists, land of waste, land without security, ladies can’t go out alone, land without opportunities : A lot of adjectives have been added to our country lately. We have witnessed our youth apathetically proclaiming that I need to leave this godforsaken land, otherwise my life would not flourish. Media is busy celebrating Rahul Gandhi’s torn Kurta, Sasikala’s vile politics, celebrity deliveries  and similar news which provide them mileage and TRPs.  When a group of scientists took our nation to the top of the world, the news had to satisfy with a meagre mention of mere two minutes. While newspapers were brimming with news about Sasikala’s past, (well some gave a front page mention of the news) the news of launching 104 satellites in one go was not given due importance.isro-selfie_650x400_81487229126

Image courtesy : www.ndtv.com

I really doubt how many of our so calle new generation knows about this news. In the social media’s where every controversial news gets viral, this feat was more or less forgotten. The fact that 101 out of 104 satellites belong to other countries reinstates the significance of our nation in the international arena. The picture shown above  was taken by our Polar Satellite Launch Vehicle  (PSLV ). While we share every daily ablutions on social media, proclaim every single incident in our life, would you mind sharing this beautiful awe-inspiring picture.

I have grown up hearing cruel jokes of Indian rockets coming back with the same speed as they were launched, by Indian comedians. Would they mind mentioning this milestone?

Chinese media proclaimed that Indians have reasons to be proud of. But do we realize this? We launched a lunar probe in 2008, we are the first Asian country to have an unmanned rocket orbit. All these was mentioned in the media of our rival country but we, as Indians don’t want to know it.

Take a break today and share this awesome pic as a token of respect to the group of people who made this possible. Media’s won’t care;  let social media do.

PS: Not all medias forgot this.

 

My love

I wrote this poem 15 years back when I was in throes of my first love. After a decade and a half I’m still smitten by this stubborn, obsessive, passionate, naughty, freaking awesome, sweet rascal. Love you beyond words Appu

I love him beyond words
I talk about him beyond thoughts
I think of him beyond the world
I need him beyond the life

Words are nothing when i express how much i feel for him
In the beginning of the horizon
In the end of eternity
I see only one person
Its him him only
Life love and lust
All my feelings are only for him

I procured him against destiny
Gods bowed down before our love
Destiny changed before our soul

In every footsteps
In every heart beats
In every breath
In every words
I express only one thing
I love him I love him I love him

For all those trod me for my love
For all those frowned at my love
For all those grimaces of time
I must say one thing
Beyond the time,
Beyond life
Beyond death
Beyond birth
He is mine

Waiting for years
To tie a knot
To come out triumphantly
To walk through the streets holding hand in hand
Searching for my fingers
To feel the touch of love

I am here undefeated unaffected
Waiting for that day…………….

Why give up on your life?

Suicide of students due to whatsoever reasons has been hot topic for social media, politicians and students themselves. Their pain and emotional trauma is objectified to a point where their photographs are hung at every nook and corner and discussions, debates and war cries to punish the culprits take place in areas pragmatically unaffected. A hero takes birth. Yes, their traumatic experience which led to a depression is perspicuous. Steps need to be taken to punish those who turned a blind eye on these students’ grievances but what will we gain if we glorify their act as a heroism. Notwithstanding the reality that the issues faced by them are grave. They were subjected to blatant partisanship but we are living in a land of heroes who fought till their last breath.

I can relate to them fully since I has been there once but life taught me a lesson to fight it or leave it. When I look back, I used to wonder what would  have been if I had given up on my life. My wonderful husband , my three precious kids, all wouldn’t have come to my life if I had ended it.  Instead of mulling over about the past let’s think about the future.

Our kids are trained to think that suicide is heroism or for all failures suicide is an easy way out through the entertainment media; Let it be Movies, daily Sops, books or whatever media. The society tends to banish people who are involved in any scandal which forces them to assort to extreme measures. Our society is so image conscious that humanity and human values take the backseat.

A child who has not heard ‘No’ during his childhood will not be prepared to face rejection on growing up. Why do we mollycoddle our kids so much that they end up being delicate darlings. I wouldn’t say that I’m a perfect parent but among so many imperfections, I would not want to bring up my kids as so delicate that they give up on their life.

Instead of creating hartals that stagnate out life, conduct awareness programs. Instead of glorifying suicide as heroism, tell the kids that they were brilliant, had they fought a little more they would have been with us. Where does the word suicide come to our kid’s mind?

A lion would not think of committing suicide if it could not defeat a prey. It fights , fights and fights till it succeeds. If solution to failure or ailments is suicide Stephen Hawkins would not have been living in this world. Not all people get everything on a golden platter. Fight till you succeed and don’t give up on your life.